Sleep talking leads to the funniest of conversations.
1# A Buffet?
Good morning to everyone except my partner who, at 2am, mid-dream, sat bolt upright in bed and terrifyingly shouted into the dark: “Will there be a buffet?”— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) January 5, 2021
2# Scientific interview
As an active dreamer, I took to recording myself. The finest idiocy was me giving a15 minute interview on the validity of cloning dinosaurs, cutting off their heads, glueing them onto headless corpses then reanimating them as a workforce for Aldi.— Tim Boxall ♿🇪🇺 (@timboxall) January 5, 2021
My ex, who works in restaurants, used to take orders out loud in his sleep. So I used to mess with him saying things like, “excuse me, I ordered the coffee cake” or “this steak is overcooked” and he’d get so flustered and say things like “right away, ma’am!” Hilarious every time.— Angel Storey 🛡🥄 (@Acap42) January 5, 2021
4# Death glare
Much better than a partner who rises bolt upright slowly, silently as if from the grave, turns her head to look at you in the darkness- and then after full 20 seconds (that’s a long time to be stared at in the dark) lies back down. Thought I was going to be murdered in my sleep.— Mark Blacklock 💙 (@MarxMedia) January 5, 2021
Although the best one is when she woke me up, shaking me and shouting my name again and again.— Jake Archibald (@jaffathecake) January 5, 2021
Me: What? What is it?
Her: I think we should go to sleep now [rolls over and starts snoring]
6# Wrong man for the job
A friend’s father used to sleepwalk. His mother awoke at 2 AM to find his father opening, shutting, opening shutting, opening, shutting the blinds in the bedroom. She asked what he was doing, and he said, “I don’t know, but they’ve got the wrong man for *this* damn job.”😂🤣😂— Dr. Sandy Hughes (@SandyHughes17) January 5, 2021
7# Bathing the goblins
"They warned me of goblins. Cute but you can't trust him. They are sneaky. I'm currently in the bath with one (Pause) Scrubbing him clean" - I laughed so hard I couldn't go back to sleep. My husband didn't believe he said any of those words. Last sentence is a family favourite.— Gin (@inkedgin) January 5, 2021
8# Winning kick
I have an active dreamer. Once he literally dived out of bed. (To save me). 🤣🤣— Dorothy Pearlman (@DottyBoo) January 5, 2021
Another time he kicked me so hard I woke him up. He was not happy as "the ball was curling towards the net" to win Spurs the FA Cup. He never saw if it went in or not. He's never forgiven me.
9# Eject the plane
I am a long retired Tornado pilot. My wife still vividly remembers being pushed forcibly out of bed as I shouted: “Eject! Eject!”— Cyril Mannion (@captaincyril1) January 5, 2021
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