What do you do? Tweet @PunchlineGlos or email beth@moosemarketingandpr.co.uk 

1#

Strangers call me, I load them in a truck, poke them w/needles, hook them up to wires/tubes, sometimes push drugs or briefly electrocute them until we reach our destination - which is a large warehouse w/other broken people & fluorescent lights. They thank me for my service.

— Shea Rossomando (@Run_Fox_Run) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

2#

I watch tiny humans exit larger humans, and if they need, I keep them for a while while I put tubes and needles in them until they don’t die. Then I give them back to the bigger humans to take them to their human place to help them get big.

— Dibie Fed Up With 🍊🎪 (@dibiethennp) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

3#

I tell computers to do things. Sometimes they listen.

— Comfortably Numb (@YGalanter) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

4#

I take bones that are arranged in a way that I find not pleasing and then I line them up in a way that I like. Then I screw in some metal.

— Travis Hanson, MD (@footankle) October 17, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

5#

I silently judge 18 year olds for 5 hours a day, then I review their work and judge them again, but this time on a graded scale. I then I make lists of my judgements of them. Plus, I get to discuss economics and US Government all day.

— The Bitter Proffit (@bitterproffit) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter 

6#

demand young adults read books by (mostly) dead people and expect them to learn life lessons from it

— Maureen Moore (@HopesMom12) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

7#

I ask excitable woof dogs to go and find good and bad people, whilst I chauffeur them around the country, breaking speed limits almost everywhere I go.

I also ask them to go and find illegal drugs and bang sticks. Sometimes they listen, but not always.

— աօʀɖ օʄ ɖօɢ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🇬🇧 (@ThewordofDog1) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter  

8#

I bust through your front door and spray all your things down with water. You usually thank me afterward.

— LyleTheAligator (@PsstCaptain) October 18, 2020

Credit: Twitter