It's National Blueberry Muffin Day so we have some punchlines based around food for every kind of chef; the amateur, the novice, the apprentice and the expert.
I met a nice guy yesterday, but he didn't avocado.
I tell the waitresses at my favourite pizza place to cut my pizza into four slices instead of eight; I think eight slices would be a struggle.
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.
My friend recently decided to turn vegan, she said it was a big missed steak.
My Dad always cooks with a glass of wine, sometimes he even adds it to the food.
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again.
Never eat more than you can lift.
I only eat fruit, it's a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.
Toasters are like tanning beds for bread.
When you see junk food, it's not your stomach rumbling you can hear, it's your arteries whimpering.
Waffles are pancakes with abs.
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