A dodgy Gloucester character on holiday in West Texas was driving along when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said: "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $500 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said: "Well, I guess I'll go get a proper drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman: "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he always plays smart when he's drunk."

The guy from the back seat said: "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the boot and a muffled voice said: "Are we over the border yet?"